60: Observing Myself

Here is the practical tips for me to find calm "The strategies you are considering are very good. Writing things down can help organize your thoughts and calm your mind. Additionally, you might find these methods helpful: Take deep breaths or do simple stretches (Moving your body can help you relax.) Focus on what you can do right now (Avoid overthinking things that are out of your control.) Prepare a plan for unexpected situations (Write down possible scenarios and how you would respond.) Use digital notes (A memo app or voice notes on your phone can help reduce the need for physical notebooks.) Be selective with pen pals (If some interactions feel overwhelming, take a step back and prioritize those who make you feel comfortable.)"

The Sparrow Café and the Promise of Spring Every night, I go to bed around 11 p.m., but lately, I’ve been waking up before 5 a.m.  At first, I thought this was unfortunate—after all, who wants to miss out on those last, precious hours of sleep?  But then, I realized something: winter is harsh, and finding food must be tough for the little sparrows in my garden. So, I decided to put my early wake-ups to good use.  Every morning, as soon as I wake up, I mix the leftover seeds from my cockatiels with some crumbled biscuits and place them under the pine tree in my yard.  The sparrows, it seems, are delighted.  In fact, they now expect their breakfast from me! At first, I thought I was simply helping them out, but as days passed, I began to feel as if they were waiting for me.  It’s a strange and wonderful thing—feeling needed by a flock of tiny birds.  I often feel a sense of solitude, but these little guests of mine bring me a quiet kind of companionship....

Here is one example for stop exchanging correspondence Subject: Thank You for Our Correspondence Dear xxxxxx, I hope you are doing well. I want to thank you for the time and effort you have put into our correspondence. It has been interesting to exchange letters with you and learn about your experiences. However, after some thought, I have decided to stop our pen pal exchange. I feel that our conversations are not quite the right fit for me, and I would like to focus on other things at this time. I truly appreciate the letters we have shared, and I wish you all the best in your future endeavors. Take care. Best regards,

I have prepared two versions of the same letter: Version A and Version B. Version A expresses my honest thoughts directly, while Version B is arranged in a more casual and enjoyable way for the reader. Which version do you prefer? A version Thank you for your letter. I imagine you were excited about exchanging letters with pen pals from all over the world through SlowlyApp.  Perhaps, in the freezing cold, you had many thoughts running through your mind and decided to write to me. I started using SlowlyApp in February 2020—five years ago now.  This is mentioned in my profile. I have corresponded with people from all over the world, but you are the first person to send me a letter discussing the topic of the Atomic Bomb. If you have time, please read my profile again. It says: "Kay enjoys collecting beautiful stamps on SlowlyApp.  She is 59 years old, taking care of her 72-year-old husband, and finds it difficult to go out for long periods.  She often rides her bicyc...

This is related to my previous entry, Penpaling .  I wrote letters to several of my pen pals, saying, "I have to take care of my family because of that, I have had to give up many dreams." When I write something like this, I usually receive warm responses.  They are all female in her 50s or 60s.  Many of them say things like, "Find small joys in life for yourself.  You deserve to have something that makes you happy."  Reading those words comforts me. However, one of my pen pals in the US wrote to me, asking, "Were you okay during the Great Hanshin Earthquake?" I thought, "Wait, that was 30 years ago. Why is she bringing it up now in her first letter?" A quick internet search would tell anyone that the Great Hanshin Earthquake happened three decades ago. As someone who is already exhausted from caregiving, I can't help but wonder—do I really need to be reminded of that event now?   My doctor suggested  that we avoid watching footage or t...

Some people have asked me why I started to study law at the age 60.  I have some reasons, it is a bit long story, but let me explain here. Yasu, my husband, graduated from one of the best national universites in our area.  When he was 22, he started working as a junior high school until he retired at 60.  He lived with his mother, Tae, and his younger sister, Sachi, until he was 50, and we got married when he was 52.   It was the first marriage for both of us. Tae was born to local farmers in Taisho era, a very hardworking woman, but she never let Sachi work or get married.  So, when Tae became elderly, Sachi took care of her alone, refusing any help from professional caregivers.  Tae passed away five years ago at the age of 98. What surprised me was that Sachi didn’t tell Yasu about their mother’s passing until six months later. Normally, close family members inform each other right away, so I found it very strange. As I looked into things, I discove...

Here, it's gradually getting warmer 15℃ (59F) in southern Hyogo, Japan, but some days still carry a chill, making it hard to decide whether to wear a jacket.  This transition period always feels a little uncertain. On March 18th, I treated myself to a day-use hot spring.   I used to visit hot springs often, but with the pandemic and my husband's illness, it had been about five years since my last visit. I packed all the essentials—a small towel, a bath towel, a change of underwear, lotion, a brush—and was pleased that I didn’t forget anything. The hot spring facility had several types of baths.   I first chose to take the spring-fed bath, which was relatively lukewarm.   I soaked for about 30 minutes, allowing my body to gradually warm up. Then, I moved to the open-air bath overlooking a pond.  The weather was calm, with no wind, allowing me to fully relax in the peaceful countryside.  The scenery evoked a deep sense of nostalgia; even after...

On March 12th, I took a stroll at the foot of the small mountain behind my house.  I wanted to check on the budding cherry blossoms and capture their progress in photos. During my walk, a woman on a bicycle passed by with a quick "Hello."   She sped ahead, but then, curiously, she slowed down, stopped, and turned to look at me. That’s when I recognized her—the elderly woman I used to chat with in this area.   Three years ago, she told me she was 75, so she must be about 78 now. However, judging by her energy and agility, you’d never guess her age. We exchanged warm greetings, and she mentioned that her grandchildren from Kobe would be visiting soon.  She was busy planting crops in her field to prepare for their arrival. Her youthful energy and enthusiasm for life are truly inspiring.  Despite our nearly 20-year age gap, she seems more spirited than I am. She once told me that she lives alone in a small house filled with flowers. Her late husband was ...

I don't have many friends here who truly share my interests.  Well, unless you count the birds in my yard, but they’re mostly just in it for the food. Every winter morning for these ten years, I perform my sacred duty as the benevolent provider of stale birdseed.  Before dawn, while normal people are still enjoying their warm beds, I shuffle outside in my slippers and place my cockatiels’ leftover food under the pine tree.  The wild birds have a hard time finding food in the cold, and since I can’t knit tiny sparrow-sized sweaters, this is the least I can do. Then, I go back to bed, attempting to reclaim my lost sleep.  Most of the time, I just drift in and out of consciousness, like a half-awake monk meditating on the meaning of life (or just debating whether to get up and make tea).  But within 30 minutes, the sparrow choir begins their breakfast concert.  I imagine about 20 of them gather, though I’m not peeking through the curtains to count—some mysteri...

Don't need any presents, but I always want my birthday to be celebrated by someone.  For my birthday, March 2nd, I thought it would be wonderful if people from around the world sent me birthday wishes through SlowlyApp, a pen pal application.  To make that happen, I published an Open Letter on February 27th.  As a result, I received replies from 20 people.  The letters came from people in the United States, Canada, Argentina, Malaysia, South Korea, Indonesia, Thailand, the United Kingdom, Germany, France, and Russia. I appreciate that they took the time to write me a letter, and I carefully replied to each one, sharing my positive impressions of their countries, their hobbies, and other uplifting topics. After some time, about ten of them sent me second and third letters. While I was happy to receive replies, writing letters in English became quite overwhelming for me, as I live my daily life in Japanese. If I continued at that pace, I wouldn’t have time for anyth...